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Post by cultstatus on Sept 7, 2014 2:23:28 GMT -5
In the words of Heath Ledger...here...we...go...
So I was in the in the live thread on the blog earlier tonight, finding myself having to defend myself for daring to mention this place. Seriously, what the fuck? God fucking forbid this place gets mentioned. Can't take page views away from whatever boring shit is happening, even though Scott owns both places so it's all going to him anyway.
So...on to the booty call. So I'm out on the scene hanging out with various friends at different bars. People come and people go etc etc. I get drunk enough to text a semi regular hook up. Now keep in mind, this girl over the years has been texting the fuck out of me. We've hooked up a bunch. So I text her tonight because I'm drunk and I give zero fucks. She texts back that she just got back from a date. I let her know that if she wants to hook up, let me know.
Cut to like an hour later. She texts me saying if I want to come over, it's cool. It's pretty late at this point but I tell her I'll get there. It's late at night and I bend over backwards to get to her place. Once I'm there, she makes me a drink and we hang out a bit. All of the sudden her phone is blowing up from another dude. She tries playing it off and says she is tired. Next thing I know, I'm rolling out and posting this story.
im drunk and I have no idea if this story makes sense because I refuse to read it over. Share your terrible hook up stories here!
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Post by artvandelay on Sept 7, 2014 2:28:03 GMT -5
A girl that I keep in semi-regular contact with for a while texted me. She came over. We started watching a movie and both fell asleep before doing anything. She was gone when I woke up. I get that action boss!
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Post by Bruce Chung on Sept 7, 2014 2:28:25 GMT -5
A true role model.
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Post by cultstatus on Sept 7, 2014 2:28:40 GMT -5
All the lulz at my super aggressive first paragraph out of nowhere.
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Post by artvandelay on Sept 7, 2014 2:29:35 GMT -5
All the lulz at my super aggressive first paragraph out of nowhere. Had to get that out of the way before getting to the story. |
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Post by cultstatus on Sept 7, 2014 2:30:16 GMT -5
I'm like 90% positive this is a boring story but maybe people can post their own shit and redeem this thread.
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Post by magoonie on Sept 7, 2014 3:10:56 GMT -5
Don't get why people hate on this place but whatever.
OK, I have a couple of stories to share. One is a bit deep and heavy, maybe I'll share that one down the line. But here's one that I think you all will enjoy.
This would probably be around 2006/2007, now at this point in my life I'm really at a low point. I was depressed and honestly looked like shit. My standards were not high at all. So I'm at a friends party and I get to talking with this girl. She's a couple of years younger than me (about 22), she's nice, kinda funny and...oh yeah morbidly obese. I'm talking well over 250 pounds, possibly more. But at the time Iwasnt picky. So we talk for a few hours then she brings up the idea of going into my friends bedroom to fool around. Well ok then.
We go into the room, we start making out. Clothes start to come off. I'm working my way down the rolls, I get to her breasts (and they were big btw) and I smell a little bit of funk. Nothing bad but it lingers a bit. I brush it off, I should have taken it as a warning. So I'm working my way down and she starts getting excited that I'm going to go down on her. She even says "it's been soo long". That's cool, I enjoy going down on women.
So I get down there, remove the rather large panties. I'm diving in and that's when it hits me. This stench I couldn't believe. I don't think I could describe to you all how bad this small was. The worst dry sweat smell mixed with rotten cheese mixed with rancid shit (yes I smelt shit) and other foul smells I have thankfully never come across again. However bad you are thinking that smell was, it was worse. And i not only smelt it, i tasted it! So I reel back and I start gagging, at a couple of points I really thought I was going to throw up. She starts saying "what? It's not that bad" then starts calling me an asshole and a piece of shit and I'm still fucking gagging. She throws on her clothes and books it out of the room and leaves the party.
Just writing that story up made me have a slight re-smell memory of it and even that was horrible.
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Post by joedust on Sept 7, 2014 9:53:21 GMT -5
Over the weekend I got a 20% discount from my ex on a Kuerig AND laid that night too.
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Post by Down Under Aussie on Sept 7, 2014 10:17:06 GMT -5
Don't get why people hate on this place but whatever. OK, I have a couple of stories to share. One is a bit deep and heavy, maybe I'll share that one down the line. But here's one that I think you all will enjoy. This would probably be around 2006/2007, now at this point in my life I'm really at a low point. I was depressed and honestly looked like shit. My standards were not high at all. So I'm at a friends party and I get to talking with this girl. She's a couple of years younger than me (about 22), she's nice, kinda funny and...oh yeah morbidly obese. I'm talking well over 250 pounds, possibly more. But at the time Iwasnt picky. So we talk for a few hours then she brings up the idea of going into my friends bedroom to fool around. Well ok then. We go into the room, we start making out. Clothes start to come off. I'm working my way down the rolls, I get to her breasts (and they were big btw) and I smell a little bit of funk. Nothing bad but it lingers a bit. I brush it off, I should have taken it as a warning. So I'm working my way down and she starts getting excited that I'm going to go down on her. She even says "it's been soo long". That's cool, I enjoy going down on women. So I get down there, remove the rather large panties. I'm diving in and that's when it hits me. This stench I couldn't believe. I don't think I could describe to you all how bad this small was. The worst dry sweat smell mixed with rotten cheese mixed with rancid shit (yes I smelt shit) and other foul smells I have thankfully never come across again. However bad you are thinking that smell was, it was worse. And i not only smelt it, i tasted it! So I reel back and I start gagging, at a couple of points I really thought I was going to throw up. She starts saying "what? It's not that bad" then starts calling me an asshole and a piece of shit and I'm still fucking gagging. She throws on her clothes and books it out of the room and leaves the party. Just writing that story up made me have a slight re-smell memory of it and even that was horrible. Grossssss, you're out of the fat-chick-zone now? Funny story though |
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Stan cHansen
New Member
Every Post Might Be Your Last
Posts: 23 
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Post by Stan cHansen on Sept 7, 2014 15:00:04 GMT -5
First mistake was going to her place, never make that kind of effort it can only go wrong.
At least, that's how I always operated before I got married but that was in a whole different world before cell phones and social media, I can't even imagine what dating and getting laid is like now.
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Post by Leahnidas on Sept 8, 2014 23:32:27 GMT -5
Roughly six months after my discharge, an ex-girlfriend/booty call IM'd (so old...) me out of nowhere, asking if I wanted to hang out. It had been nothing but desert conditions since coming home so I was game; she gave me directions to her friend's house where they were drinking. Since they were drinking and amorous, I was really hoping for a "Holy shit, you would not believe the night I just had!" story for my friends the next day.
Instead I started hitting it off with the friend and the ex got all pouty and went to bed alone. Ended up talking with the her friend all night and, to make a long story short, we celebrated our 10yr wedding anniversary this past Friday.
The "Worst Booty Call" part of it was it wasn't until a couple of years later when the ex and my wife made up that they decided to tell me that a double beej was the original plan until I started making googly eyes at the future missus. The wife said she would've never dated me had it gone through and it was totally worth the resulting smack on the arm to say "Not sure I came out ahead on this!"
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Post by starscreamlive on Sept 9, 2014 18:14:49 GMT -5
Worst booty call of all time? Being married for 15 years and having four kids. Only time for it is late at night or early morning. i'm not a late night person and she's not an early morning person. Send us your thoughts and prayers.
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Mr. Satan
New Member
Fuck Abeyance.
Posts: 21
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Post by Mr. Satan on Sept 10, 2014 3:21:12 GMT -5
This girl I was with was adamant that I wear a rubber, so I did. I came in the coital position and pulled out and the condom was gone. She got mad and yelled about me pulling it off, and I said "why the fuck would I cum inside if I took it off!?" We couldn't find it anywhere in the room... not anywhere. Turns out, after a gynaecological visit or whatever doctor would check it out, it was lodged in really deep. She had no idea.
Luckily she didn't get pregnant, thank fuck.
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Post by Leahnidas on Sept 10, 2014 7:56:13 GMT -5
Surely there is a witty joke to be had about how the condom ricocheted off since there was plenty of space between your tiny pecker and her cavernous vag but damned if I can think of one.
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Post by VadersBuffetShit on Sept 12, 2014 17:07:47 GMT -5
Looking forward to big Meek's contribution to this thread
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